Competition is often portrayed as a way to build character, teach sportsmanship, and improve self-esteem. On the playing field, in the heat of competition, it is difficult to maintain a balance. While many kids learn to play by the rules and have a healthy respect for their opponents, there are always a few that take winning or losing too seriously, becoming angry, gloat in victory, or feel shame in defeat, or worse.

It is not at all unusual for gifted children to become obsessed with something. When the kid's obsession is that of the parent, the situation can turn tragic quickly. The parent appears to be living vicariously through their children whom they are pushing to become "winners". They make their love or acceptance conditional on the child's performance.

I grew up in Northern Ireland, living and breathing soccer. Soccer was a way to escape the "Troubles", and a way to achieve financial wealth. Recently, I received an email from a childhood friend with whom I played soccer throughout our youth. I am deeply saddened to read that his 16-year-old grandson committed suicide. A few months ago, there was concern that he might be suffering from depression, so it was decided to take him out of soccer. Almost immediately he began sleeping over twelve hours every day and rapidly shut himself off from family and friends. In his suicide note he spoke of disappointing his father by not scoring enough goals.

It can be said, that much of the pressure that a kid feels is self-induced, with perceived expectations seeming very real. What is not said is potentially as damaging as what is said. Boys, more than girls, tend to look for their father's approval.

When a father transfers his obsession to his son, the kid is not equipped to see the damage, and is usually motivated to stay at it, because he has his father's attention.

When the motivation shifts and is not generated by us, most will become less interested in what we are doing. The need to win drains us of our power. Mastery arises from being present, also known as being "in the zone", where the focus is on playing and not on winning. Many youngsters who are not "winning" are being turned off sports. The so-called winners are at risk of having their egos inflated. And the more they compete, the more they might need to compete to feel good about themselves.

The world of professional sports is littered with damaged bodies and broken relationships. Although most of the devastation causes resentment, some cases result in a tragic end.

I've seen it turn out both ways, with a few local boys going on to play world class soccer. More times than not, few make it even into the lower levels. To achieve the big prize the dynamics of competition are adversarial, and everyone, at any level, will often pay a personal price for having adversaries in their lives. Balance is key. Something to think about while we enjoy watching the World Cup.